Here are nine true facts about me:

1. My first car was a canary yellow, 1976 Volkswagen Beetle with a tape deck. (RIP, Elijah…)
2. I’ve published two volumes of original poetry.
3. A tiger once roared directly at me while I was wearing a tuxedo.
4. I worked as a full-time rave promoter from 1999-2001.
5. I saved a child’s life in Paris.
6. I’ve been on the front page of Reddit.
7. Once, with a casual, off-hand remark, I made an entire elevator full of SNL cast members laugh.
8. I’ve run four marathons.
9. I’ve won a CLIO, a PromaxBDA Gold, got nominated for an Emmy and, in 1990, I was a Nintendo Power World Championship quarter-finalist.